I haven't slept in 6 years. No, that's not true. My parents and my inlaws have generously taken my kids overnight for some periods of time, and I've gone on a "me" vacation, and there were a few medically induced sleeps, so I guess that isn't entirely true. But other than those times, no. I see all of these posts on Facebook from friends with new babies or toddlers and they're all "When will this child start sleeping through the night?" and I'm all, "Oh, it'll get better" because that's what a good friend is supposed to say. Because for most people, I assume, there is hope. Right? I mean, most kids sleep through the night or at least for a solid few hours at a time, no? I mean, clearly not MY kids, but other people have kids that do sleep, so I hear. So I tell them it will get better instead of saying what I really want to say, which is, "It doesn't get better, at least not yet." Because, if you're like me, you will end up with a kid who hates going to bed and then falls asleep well. YAY! But then wakes up before the sun is up. BOO! Then another kid who hates going to bed, likes to stay up and make a disaster of the bedroom and insist it will be cleaned up over the weekend and is clearly a liar. Said child will fall asleep in the middle of stuffed animals, tea sets, Transformers, books and in nothing but underpants, and is often found in cahoots with child #3. Ah, yes. The third child. This child's bedtime is currently around 7:30. Some days 7, some 8, we try to be a little flexible, but ya know, in general, 7:30ish. Said child will actually fall asleep anywhere between 9pm and 11pm if we are lucky. And we ARE lucky because within the past two months, said child has just recently started staying upstairs instead of coming into my bedroom and sleeping at my feet or partially under my bed or in my armpit or poking me right between the eyes with one tiny finger JUUUUUUST to see if I was awake at 2am. This child typically stays in the child bedroom arena now, however often can be found in the siblings' bedrooms (floor, bed, closet, dresser drawer, shelf), bathroom floor and most often the hallway between the siblings' rooms. And not before coming out of the bedroom 926 times to get a drink, go potty, tell me how much I'm loved, check to see if Daddy is still at home or went back to work, if the dog is inside, tell me a story, ask if it is okay to sneak into the hall (IT ISN'T SNEAKING IF I KNOW ABOUT IT!), and so on. I do believe every night my Mom of the Century status is upheld with bedtime. I either walk around like a crazy gorilla on steroids, stomping and yelling and IFYOUCOMEOUTONEMORETIMESOHELPME or I just give up and know that the little dictators who are clearly really the ones in charge of my house are going to try to pull these same tricks night after night and sometimes I just let them because after a day of work, homework, dinner, showers, etc. I'm just too exhausted to do much else, so I assume that eventually, they'll fall asleep. I mean, they have to, right? Dresser drawers are TOTALLY acceptable places for small children to fall asleep, right? Especially if they're covered with pajamas on the bottom. It is padding. They'll be fine.
Also, my dog snores. And is getting senile. And has dreams in which she seems to be running like a puppy and makes noises. She sleeps in my bedroom. Two days ago, she got up at 5:45 to get a drink from the toilet, then jumped on the bed. The toilet is USUALLY closed, which means a kid sneaked downstairs at some point in the middle of the night and I missed it. The dog is also not allowed on the bed, so there's that. 5:45 is less than an hour before I get up for work. I couldn't go back to sleep. I laid in bed thinking about what I could do with this extra time. I could get up and exercise! I could do some laundry! I could plan or prep some meals! Then I giggled to myself, rolled over and tried so very hard to go back to bed for 35 minutes. Within 10, I was joined by child #1, just before the sun came up.
